As most of you know, it was International Men’s Day over the weekend. Much like the female equivalent earlier in the year, it is there as a platform to highlight those specific issues that are weighing heavily on the genders. Suicide rates, education, work, all these things are up for discussion and I read articles that delved into the topics with gusto.
Now this post isn’t going to be a piece about anything too controversial but I heard the song ‘Crybaby’ by Paloma Faith during the day which she herself has said is an attempt to highlight the dangers of ‘toxic masculinity’ and that men don’t have to always maintain the stiff upper lip. Now I have a few issues with some details of the song and how it goes about what it’s trying to point out but the central message of asking for help is crucial.
It’s a vital point to highlight that suicide is, certainly not a men only issue, but that there has been shown to be a much higher proportion of the suicide stats being filled by men. Not being a burden is regularly highlighted as a driving force for the choice to end a life so everyone has to recognise that there are ALWAYS options out there when you need help and that no-one with that option in mind will EVER be a burden, male or female, young or old.
It’s too easy to see men as the brutish oafs we are so often portrayed as and just think that we have the collective emotional intelligence of a house brick but that does us all an injustice. It can become easy to write off the films we watch, the programs we watch and the books we read, as being all about explosions and guns and pretty much nothing else but I’d like to present a couple of examples where it shows just a little more.
I don’t think that anyone would suggest that ‘Predator’ is in the same bracket as ‘Citizen Kane’ but I think it shows a powerful depiction of friendship between two men. Mac and Blaine are trained killers and big guns and explosions and chewing tobacco and ‘I ain’t got time to bleed’ etc. but we have the chance to recognise that they discuss the importance of compartmentalizing their emotions when in action for the sake of their own mental health. We have the view of one mourning the other, with the way Mac won’t let anyone else prepare his friends body for transportation or the way that he admits to his commanding officer Dutch, Arnie himself, that ‘He was my friend.’ Dutch had told Mac that Blaine was a good soldier preceding this line and it’s not one that we hear given to anyone else as they are picked off. Indeed, Blaine isn’t the first of the group to perish yet he is singled out for praise to a colleague. There is a recognition that there is great pain being felt by one of their number and Arnie’s character is acknowledging that pain with the comment about Blaine’s prowess. Mac then responds in kind with the muted reply which may as well have been his roaring in tears as he beat the ground and cursed the gods for his loss. That was all that was needed to get the point across.
Clip uploaded from YouTube user Jordan Mac.
Lethal Weapon, beyond the gun fire and fighting, is how one man with fears about his value as he ages (I’m too old for this shit) works with a partner with serious unresolved grief and mental health issues, to give each other the stability and help that they are so badly calling out for. Riggs had explained the details to Murtaugh, of what he was going through and he does attempt suicide in front of his friend, Murtaugh being the one to intervene at the very last second. Riggs, in the instant of explaining the detail of his pain, is reaching out for help and from there, disaster is averted. Murtaugh’s friend in the first film, the father of the girl who falls to her death at the start of the film, admits that he made mistakes but only after the heroes have identified the connections. His death, immediately after the revelation that he could have gone to Roger much earlier, stands symbolically to show that not asking for help from the people around you can lead you to a darker conclusion. Indeed, the final battle is concluded only when Riggs and Murtaugh fire together to kill the bad guy, a problem overcome by two people together.
Storytelling can be used for so many things. Tales of the grandest scale can unfold in any and all directions but very often, the smallest actions between two people, the littlest thing said by one person to another, can prove to be of the most vital importance.
Everyone asks for help in their own way, everyone feels what they feel in a very personal fashion. What we all need to do is make sure that we keep our eyes open for all of the ways those calls for help could come, especially the one’s that don’t even look like calls for help.