Who are you?
Who are any of us?
I’ve spoken before on here about the masks that we wear out there in the world but now I’m going to have a little look at the mask from the other side.
Why do you portray the image of yourself that you do? You know that you subtly alter the face you show the world depending on which part of that world is before you but how do you define yourself?
The reason I ask came from a thought which in turn came from a few details of experiences I had recently. How was I looking at myself and why was I looking at myself?
When I was at Em-Con recently, I set the table up and readied myself for the crowds to begin passing by. I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and didn’t think anything more of it. But. My wife, in an act of the most amazing understanding, had bought me a new tweed jacket, and that was hung over the back of my chair. When the temperature in the centre dropped slightly (we were in front of a window and the full glare of the sun first thing in the morning so throwing on a jacket was the last thing on anyone’s mind), I slipped into the jacket and all of a sudden, changed.
Without even being aware of what I’d been doing over time, I’d had in mind an image of what I wanted my author self to look like. I’d bought a dragon headed cane last year and Jo had bought me a pocket watch for Christmas but adding the jacket to the mix was the key stone piece.
My posture changed. My ‘style’ changed. I became a subtly different person and I felt tremendous doing it, like I was becoming the correct interpretation of who I should be.
Last week saw something similar.
I bought a new car. Well, new to me anyway.
We all know that feeling when we just recognise that an object is ‘right’ and that car was just ‘right’. I’d done the research of the model etc. but this was beyond the facts. In the same way that the jacket became the catalyst to a change in me, the car added to that change as well. The feeling of growth in me was facilitated by an object as a part of my self. Not that I was drawing validation from the car I drove or clothes I wore, rather that I was enhancing myself by taking on the garb of who I feel I am. I am me regardless of what I wear or drive but these things have just been the perfect pieces to the puzzle of being me.
From the outside, those people I spoke with at Em-Con saw a certain version of me but I think they saw the image of me with the most clarity, the version that I wish to project as being as clearly ‘me’ as I can.
I realised that by putting on that jacket I took off all the other masks I’ve shown the world. And it felt great.