Welcome to the latest story from my warped little mind. I actually didn’t do too much to it from the original kernel of thought but you can be assured that you’ll recognise that which I’ve added.
I’ve heard on the radio, on TV and read in the press, of people making confessions and asking the wronged person for forgiveness many years after the event.
This is my confession.
I can remember, more than a few years ago, when I was much smaller than I am today, my cousin and I never really saw eye to eye. She always had everything.
Everyone has the issue right? Not just us?
She’s five years older than me and she was always the apple of our family’s eye. Nothing she did was ever wrong, even when it was, and she was given everything her heart could ever want. I got the hand-me-downs.
Almost from my first childhood memory I heard, “Didn’t you say that you wanted to have that as well?” asked by my parents as they passed down the latest object that she no longer enjoyed, gifted to them as a reminder that they weren’t as good as my cousin’s parents. It was almost worse than not having something myself, the cast offs.
Just looked like they were only ever thinking of me in terms of her rather than as being me.
So I don’t think that it could have truly come as much surprise to anyone that jealousy built in me. I’m not proud of my jealousy but can you really say that if you’d been on the receiving end of behaviour like that for as long as I had, you wouldn’t have been the same?
Eventually, after holding my younger self together for as long as I could, I’d had enough.
Visiting her house along with all manner of other people for a party or some kind of gathering in her honour, she was proudly showing off her latest prized possession, ‘Little Ted’.
Little Ted was beautiful. Little Ted was made for cuddles and my smug cousin just looked down on me as I stood and stared at her with Little Ted.
I wanted my own Little Ted.
But that was never going to happen so I thought I’d do something about it.
As I’ve already said, I always got her cast offs when she didn’t want them anymore, so I thought that now would be the perfect chance to take from her on my terms. I was the one doing the choosing.
I’m not proud of the way the green eyed monster grabbed hold of me but I just carried on with it.
There were just the three of us in the room when I decided I needed to act, she and I and Little Ted. I was going to take Little Ted for myself.
As the time passed by, all I could see was the fact I was going to have Little Ted. All of my rational mind was out of control, the green eyed monster now truly in charge.
Eventually, as the activity of the day continued, she was no doubt distracted by something else that she had that I didn’t as she played to others who were there, I saw my chance.
I bundled up Little Ted and hid him up my jumper.
Turning quickly, I walked out of the house, not meeting her eyes as I left. Surely she’d be able to see that I had something under my jumper as I left? Maybe if she’d been a little less self-absorbed, she would have done.
Happily for me, she noticed Little Ted was missing only after I’d left the house.
I heard that she’d cried and cried and screamed and cried.
I’m still not proud of the fact that I’d taken from her but she did need to see that she couldn’t just have everything she ever wanted and rub it in the faces of all around her.
I wasn’t really sure, as I looked at Little Ted later in the day, that I actually wanted him.
I was scared that I’d be discovered as the taker.
So this is my confession after all these years.
I’m sorry I ruined your life.
I’m sorry I took your Little Ted.
I just wanted to show you that what it was like not to have everything go your way.
I tell you this now for closure for us both.
How was I supposed to know that after that day your marriage would fall apart, that you couldn’t have any more kids.
So twenty years later, your son Edward, your Little Ted, is buried in the woods by our old house.